It gets better

Have you ever felt as if everything you do, everything you’ve worked for, isn’t worth it?
As if everyone else is better than you, like you’re just there, trying your best, but nothing ever works out?
I’ve been feeling like that my whole life. I feel like I’m just a hindrance, like I’m bothering everyone around. And, I mean, how could I not?

          I have major abandonment issues, I know that for sure.

It’s just that sometimes I feel like everything would be easier if I just wasn’t here, there... 

Everyone would be happier, would feel lighter.

This year has been especially hard. I’ve felt down all year. I try to smile, but something always kills the moment.
I feel like I’ll never be enough- not for anyone, not for mE.

          I wish I could just feel at peace, or believe that I’m enough. I wish I could stop feeling like I’m a           burden. Maybe someday things will change.

          I know I’m trying my best, even if it doesn’t feel like enough. Maybe just trying is enough, but                 it’s  hard to believe that. 

Impostor syndrome really kicks in.  

I wonder if this feeling will ever pass, if I’ll ever truly feel like I belong. I’m not sure, but maybe putting it into words is a start.